duminică, 28 februarie 2010

Silly child!


S: asa...
S: cred ca iti este mai mult frica de tine...
S: uneori logica creerului calculeaza total de cea a inimii
S: total diferit de cea a inimii...
S: cred ca la tine prea mult autocontrol poate dauna...
I: oare?
I: ...:-?....


Why do you love me?

miercuri, 24 februarie 2010

...primavara in nuante...



...Ma ploua tot timpul
si visul cazut pe pamant
prinde culoare,
azi am inteles de ce soarele
mai mult apune decat rasare
caci ploaia continua sa cada peste mine
si e doar fericire!...

Oana Zalaru


luni, 22 februarie 2010

Apusuri...


Superb... ieseam din tabara, imi luam camera si fugeam pe mica faleza... injuram ca n-am o camera profesionala, dar imi reglam hp-ul ca sa obtin o calitate cat mai buna a privelistii din acea seara... Nu stiu daca a existat vreodata un apus mai frumos decat cel de asta vara...ma asezam pe margine cu picioarele in apa si inchideam ochi sa aud cum se sparg valurile... in alte seri alergam pe punte si ma asezam la capat...stateam acolo pana auzeam voci strigandu-ma(n-aveam voie acolo, era prea periculos, pt ei:|)...alteori ma asezam pe asfalt intinsa...cantam si priveam...cate un pescarus se mai oprea pe mare...
Ce vartej de culori...




luni, 15 februarie 2010

i ran out of words...


Asculta mai multe audio Muzica
Theres something that i cant quite explain
i'm so in love with you
you'll never take that away

and if i said a hundred times before
expect a thousand more
you never take that away

well expect me to be
calling you to see
if you're ok when i'm not around
asking if you love me
i love the way you make it sound
calling you to see
do i try too hard to make you smile
to make a smile

well i will keep calling you to see
if you're sleepin are you dreamin and
if you're dreamin are you dreamin of me
i cant believe
you actually picked...me

i thought that the world had lost its sway
(its so hard sometimes)
then i fell in love with you
(then came you)
and you took that away
(its not so difficult, the world is not so difficult)
you take away the old
show me the new
and i feel like i can fly
when i stand next to you
so what if I'm on this phone
a hundred miles from home
i take the words you gave
and send them back to you

i only want to see
if you're ok when i'm not around
asking if you love me
i love the way you make it sound
calling you to see
do i try too hard to make you smile
to make a smile

i will keep calling you to see
if you're sleepin are you dreamin and
if you're dreamin are you dreamin of me
i cant believe
you actually picked...me

well i will keep calling you to see
if you're sleepin are you dreamin and
if you're dreamin are you dreamin of me
i cant believe
you actually picked...me

i will keep calling you to see
if you're sleepin are you dreamin and
if you're dreamin are you dreamin of me
i cant believe
you actually picked...me

sâmbătă, 13 februarie 2010

Pasaje din trecut


Da...eu sunt...cu sora mea..aveam un an...abia invatam sa vorbesc...
Desi nu stiam prea mult...un lucru clar invatam de la sora mea...O privire ucigatoare!:))
Din pacate privirea nu mergea cu chipul de ingeras, asa ca am preferat privirea mea;)))...
...de multe rele m-a scapat...da, mama...am mintit...eu am spart farfuriile ascunse in spatele caloriferului...si tot eu am spart paharele de vin...in schimb n-am spart borcanul de 5 kg de zarzavat...aia a fost opera Danielei, dar cum eu mereu scapam...am luat-o asupra mea...suntem chit acum?...cred ca nu...da, am luat de 4...chiar destui de multi, inca din cls I

...dar era mai frumos sa vezi 9.80 la sf. anului de cat vreun 4 in timpul semestrului...nu?...:))
...multe s-au schimbat...nici Craciunurile nu mai sunt la fel...inainte erau pline de verisori... ne adunam cate 10 si dormeam toti in acelasi pat povestind fel de fel de intamplari si asteptandu-l pe Mos Craciun. Dimineata alergam cu totii la brad si chiar daca nu era casa lor, Mos Craciun ii gasea si pe verisorii mei...

...O singura zi imi placea sa sarbatoresc...ziua mea...si a ramas singura sarbatoare pentru mine.Restul sunt egale cu 0.

Si totusi niciodata n-am avut o petrecere surpriza ca sora mea

... poate pentru ca mie nu-mi plac surprizele...
Ma uitam printre poze si am observat ca cineva apare in aproape toate pozzele:)))...desigur, in afara de surorile si verisorii mei...
era mica, blonduta si statea cu un etaj mai jos...:)))

vecina mea...mai mica cu 4 ani...de cand a inceput sa mearga de-a busilea a invatat cate trepte sunt pana la usa mea si de atunci n-a mai avut alta casa decat a mea :))... amenintam ca o bagam in masina de spalat doar ca sa plece...o poreclisem Bursuc doar ca sa ma urasca...si totusi..:P...a ramas cu noi...nici macar faptul ca ne prefaceam ca e invizibila nu o interesa....cand o vedeam ca bolteste ochii la mine...ca un matz speriat...nu mai puteam sa ma prefac ca e invizibila...si uite cum e acum:)))

.... cu un cap mai inalta ca mine:)))... clar! de acu eu merg in masina de spalat! :))




Aveam 8 anisori cand mama noastra ne-a anuntat ca o sa avem un fratior...fratiorul nu a mai venit, insa o surioara si-a facut loc la noi in casa...era enervant de vesela si galagioasa...dar o iubeam asa;)))

...se modea cu lucrurile mamei si radea in hohote de fiecare data cand cineva ii zicea Bau!Avea o melodie cu care ne incanta de fiecare data...nu plecai pana nu ii vedeai numarul..Britney-Spears-Baby one more time...

si uita-te acum la ea...toata o domnisoara:)

In afara de Bursuc, o alta persoana a fost mereu prezenta in casa noastra...si este in continuare:)...Diana, verisoarea mea...sau sa zic sora mea;))?... cand cineva il intreaba pe tata cate fete are, raspunsul este 4(desi suntem 3)

...clar Diana este cea de a4a sora a noastra...am crescut impreuna de mici..aveam acelasi model de haine si mergeam mereu impreuna la biserica...craciunurile le petreceam impreuna iar pastele de obicei il sarbatoream la ea...am crescut si noi, iar verile am inceput sa le petrecem la tara...oh! cat mai iubeam noptile cu luna plina care le petreceam in spatele casei bunicii;))...pe drumul vechi, fiecare cu amorezatul ei:))...sau plimbarile la fantana care intamplator erau la aceeasi ora la care intalneam cei mai simpatici baieti de acolo....dar noi eram a naibii, n-aveam o treaba!!:))) sau cand ploua torential si noua ni se facuse pofta de zmeura si visine:))...cum s-a indoit castronul respectiv?...bunica in continuare imi cere o explicatie:))...sau vacantele petrecute la munte...la vatra, busteni, ceahlau:)...cand ne pierdeam in munti si ne amageam ca mai avem putin...sau sfarsiturile de vara la seminarul de baieti din neamt...:)...cum era cu Sagetica:))))?...
Toate poftele ni se implineau:)...si nu pentru ca am fi fost arogante si infumurate...ci tocmai invers....
Nopti pierdute in cluburi si mai apoi luni intregi in taverna...mergeam aproape in fiecare zi... vorbeam la telefon ore intregi si ne vedeam nevoite sa inchidem pentru ca se terminau minutele...
suntem la fel...impreuna

...locuim in continuare impreuna...si petrecem la fel de mult timp impreuna...cum era Diana?...BF are for us;))...

Eu...

aceeasi fetita undercover...doar ca sa spunem ca am renuntat la acoperire...nu mai sunt fetita care era confundata cu un baietel la piata

nici gardianul fetelor din gimnaziu...nici macar Satana din liceu...am ramas doar Alexandra...

care prefera o seara placuta in taverna...o plimbare la miezul noptii si luna de dupa dealul plin cu margarete de la bunica...

vineri, 12 februarie 2010

somewhere over the rainbow...



...When we're together, I feel perfect
When I'm pulled away from you, I fall apart
All you say is sacred to me
Your eyes are so dark
I can't look away
As we lay in the stillness...

marți, 9 februarie 2010

....Fuck!


We all remember the bed time stories of our childhood. The shoe fit Cinderella, the frog was turned into a prince, sleeping beauty was awakened with a kiss. Once upon a time and then they lived happily ever after. Fairy tales. The stuff of dreams. the problem is, fairy tales don't come true. It's the other stories. The ones that start in dark and stormy nights and end in the unspeakable. The nightmares always seem to become the reality.

Once upon a time, happier ever after. The stories we tell are the stuff of dreams. Fairy tales don't come true. Reality is much stormier. Much murkier. Much scarier.

We're adults. When did that happen? And how do we make it stop?

At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we're made. So, you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines... that are way too dangerous to cross.

You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true.
At the end of the day faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. It's like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And it's not so important happy ever after, just that its happy right now. See once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you , and once in a while people may even take your breath away.

Maybe we like the pain. Maybe we're wired that way. Because without it, I don't know; maybe we just wouldn't feel real. What's that saying? Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop.

I've heard that it's possible to grow up - I've just never met anyone who's actually done it. Without parents to defy, we break the rules we make for ourselves. We throw tantrums when things don't go our way, we whisper secrets with our best friends in the dark, we look for comfort where we can find it, and we hope - against all logic, against all experience. Like children, we never give up hope...

Pain, you just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers, you just breath deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time pain can be managed but sometimes the pain gets you where you least expect it. Hits way below the belt and doesn't let up. Pain, you just have to fight through, because the truth is you can't outrun it and life always makes more.

Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass.
And when the dam bursts, all you can do is swim. The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. We can only lie to ourselves for so long. We are tired, we are scared, denying it doesn't change the truth. Sooner or later we have to put aside our denial and face the world. Head on, guns blazing. De Nile. It's not just a river in Egypt, it's a freakin' ocean. So how do you keep from drowning in it?

Grey's Anatomy

luni, 8 februarie 2010

Ce faci cand nu stii ce sa faci?

Si acum?...acum ce fac?...
...Nu ma urca mai sus decat pot eu urca,
Nu ma lasa sa cad mai jos decat pot suporta...probabil sunt versurile Oanei Zalaru...nu mai stiu...mi le-am amintit cand asezam gandurile in ordine alfaetica...

...da-mi o palma peste cap!poate ma trezesc...


...Ca in orice moment de panica,dupa cateva sesiuni de inspira-expira, vreo 5 cafele si un intreg playlist de muzica "jalnica"(cand zic jalnic ma refer la muzica cu pian, vioara...sau chitara...lente fara versuri), urmatorul lucru pe care-l fac este sa deschid ziarul...online...click pe www.evenimentul.ro si incep....
sectiunea locuri de munca...mda...
sa vedem ceva interesant?....
...vreau sa fac ce stiu cel mai bine cand simt ca nu ma descurc...sa fug...dar daca nu sunt bani... nici sa fug nu pot...
...un loc unde nu cunosc pe nimeni...si nimeni pe mine...fara prieteni, fara cunostinte... doar eu. singura... de la capat...de la 0...un rucsac in spate si mult curaj sa incep o viata noua...nu sunt lasa, doar ca altfel nu pot...
un anunt de videochat, unul de confectionera...iar videochat,cosmeticiana, vanzatoare....
...rasfirand paginile ziarului virtual gasesc cu tristete ca nu exista nici un job care sa-mi ofere sansa sa strang banii pentru a fugi...
LA DRACU!
...si inca odata se amana ideea de a ma pierde prin lume...

(chiar crezi ca poti rezolva totul asa?...pana mea! mai cresti oleak...apoi te bocesti ca de ce ai facut asa prostie...
Hai trezeste-te si da-ti seama ca-ti place ce ai ajuns, unde ai ajuns, cum ai ajuns!
de ce ti-e greu? de ce sa pleci?...)
respiro moment...
...sa vreau ca de data asta nu pot pur si simplu sa plec...dar nu vreau...chiar nu vreau...sunt prea fericita acuma...visez,traiesc, iubesc...

After all tomorrow is another day!....

thoughtless...

Moment de panica...